A year without her.
Can it be a year since you left me
It does not feel like so many days have passed
But then it seems like an age since I held you.
Each day without you reminds me just how sad my life could have been.
I surround myself with your photographs I dare not let my memory of you fade
I must recall every detail of your face.
I hold a recording of your voice
I need to remember your soft tone.
I keep your perfume, the last clothes you wore
I must hold on to the fading vestige of your scent
I love the memory of you now and always
But you’re not being here crushes me and I miss your presence so much.
A year has not dulled the pain of loss or filled the emptiness I feel.
The world is full of colour but is less vibrant without you.
I am honoured I had the chance to be your love
I am more of a man for having had you as my lover, wife and most intimate best friend
But without you I am weaker, incomplete.
So a year has passed along with so many milestones and anniversaries.
I am afraid of the pain of those same anniversaries and those still to come.
I gather up the memories of you like falling petals from a fading rose
Afraid that those very memories may fade and wither with the passing of time.
But they will not, I must not let them fade.
I hate the pain of grief but I do not want it to stop.
It is the most visceral outpouring of my love for you it reminds me of what we had what we have lost.
I am afraid if the grief leaves me alone that I will in some way be over your loss.
But a year on I know I will never get over your passing, time will never heal your absence.
I feel your spirit around me, in the trees and flowers, in a sunny day a rainy afternoon.
I see your being in our Family especially our grandchildren,
Your memory, your love of fun lives on strong in your Friends
You touched so many
So can it be a year since you left me.
It does not feel like so many days have passed
But then it seems like an age since I held you.
For Sarah x
John Saunders
9th October 2023
I memory of 6 months since I lost my dear wife Sarah - I am adding some additional photographs of her life.
John
19th April 2023
For forty five years we have shared the ups and downs in life. That is why it is so hard to write my thoughts so much over the years I'll miss you so very much. Sleep tight - Best Buddy.
Sue (Gaffney)
2nd November 2022